Author Archives: cchua

Weird dream
Weird dream

I woke up with giant broccoli on my mind
Like something I’d watch on SBS late at night
No plot no narrative no setting
Just my subconscious sweating
About obscure people from high school
And slightly erotic situations
With girls that don’t even have faces
Let alone names I can remember

Stanley Kubrick is in my mind
And still getting work
Last night he finished off
A film clip for Björk

I know that dreaming about teeth means fear
And dreaming about babies means the end
And dying means beginning
And it’s all around the bend
But tell me this dream doctor
Why was I milking a camel
Last night?

Once I dreamed I attended a university lecture
At my primary school in Tasmania
And in attendance was Dolly Parton
Craig McLachlan and Hulk Hogan
I kid you not and the ironic thing
Is that Hulk Hogan
Asked me for my autograph
And when I woke up
Craig McLachlan wasn’t in my dream book

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

It was 2003 rock music was in trouble
All the cool ‘the’ bands had finally burst their bubble
The Strokes put out a Christmas album called ‘Santa Cruz’
It was met with hisses and boos

The Vines went all experimental
Their Gregorian thrash jazz drove everybody mental
The UK press were looking for the next rock saviour
Kevin Plunkett’s phone rang somewhere in Tasmania

A bootlegged recording of his high school band
Had somehow found its way into the hands
Of the editor of NME magazine
Cos it’s all about luck in this industry

Yeah he liked their sound it was raw it was different
I don’t think he realised they couldn’t play their instruments
He said they were the best new band that he’d heard in yonks
When he asked what they were called Kevin just coughed so

The Coughs single handedly saved rock ‘n’ roll
Oh with the help of their music teacher Mrs Knoll

The record company thought that they were ready
They had their parents permission and pocket money aplenty
They played a farewell gig at their high school assembly
The very next week they were packin out Wembley

Their set was kinda short they only knew three songs
Each had three chords and was three minutes long
But no-one seemed to notice ‘cos they looked so rock
In school uniforms untucked and non-curriculum socks so

The Coughs single handedly saved rock ‘n’ roll
For at least ten days until the next band came along

Kevin Plunkett was the man he had so many fans
When he single handedly toilet papered Oasis’ tour van

Rock!

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

I had a crush on a girl in grade twelve
Thought she was a snob
Too good for me

Turns out that she was just shy
She thought I was too cool
Too cool for her

Turns out she didn’t like me anyway
In that way
But that’s not the point
I’m trying to make to you here today
See if we’d have sat down and talked
For just a second
I would have realised an important lesson
A lot earlier

Cos everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
You are not alone
There’s no need to feel blue
Everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
Do not be afraid
To show people the real you

Sometimes I get stuck for conversation
I get so scared
I get so scared
What if people don’t think I’m such a sensation?
They might realise
I’ve blown my cover

And then I think of something to say
And then I regret it straight away
And everything’s dumb stupid bad
And then we keep on chattin and before too long
I can’t remember why I’m singing this sad song
And then I realise oh yeah
That always happens

Cos everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
You are not alone
There’s no need to feel blue
Everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
Do not be afraid
To show people the real you

This moment is all we’ve got
So don’t fill it with all the rot
It’s all good or so you say
You’ve got to believe it
You need it in every way

And if you’re sick of this song
A stupid pop song gone on too long
Don’t forget who you’re talking to
Cos’ this song’s got its insecurities as well

Cos everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
You are not alone
There’s no need to feel blue
Everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
Do not be afraid
To show people the real you

Everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
There’s no need to feel blue

Everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
Don’t be afraid to be you
Don’t be afraid to be you
Don’t be afraid to be you
Don’t be afraid to be you
Don’t be afraid to be you

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

Jesus was an intruder on Big Brother
As soon as he came on two million homes around Australia
Adjusted the brightness on their TV sets
Within a week he’d won the house over
They found him genuine passionate artistic kind
And he made a divine pasta bake out of next to nothing

He cracked jokes for all ages and races
He played the banjo and sang songs about freeing the refugees
He got down on his knees
Within two weeks Mooks had brought out the urban robe
Sandals were back in and kids were wearing halos to school

The TV ratings broke all the records
More people watched Jesus than The Simpsons
And Friends and the news combined
He was on the cover of all the magazines
And priests were constantly being hounded by reporters
Wanting the dirt

Church attendances doubled then tripled
People carried signs that said ‘John 3:16’
And ‘Jesus Is Sick!’

He was the talk of the school yard
The topic of the offices
Jesus was the debate of all the panel shows
Thousand of homes had flashing Christian crosses in their windows
Bible sales reached biblical proportions
Meanwhile Christians watched the media circus in awe

Just when it seemed that Jesus couldn’t be any more popular
The remaining housemates began to plot against him
For they knew he would win unless
They all agreed to nominate him
The biggest complaint made against Jesus
Was that he was too nice And a bit preachy

While it appeared that he had the hearts of all Australians on his side
Jesus mysteriously gained the majority of votes and was evicted
After leaving Big Brother Jesus refused all interviews
Auctioned his possessions for charity
And went into hiding
Viewers were devastated
Some kept their TV sets off for three days
As a sign of respect

But then three weeks later Jesus returned
With his own controversial prime time TV show
Everybody Loves Jesus And it outrated Big Brother
Three to one

He then released a hit single
‘God Is In The Heart’ And my little sister
Knows all the words

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

Good lookin’ girls take themselves a bit too seriously
I want a girl with a healthy dose of irony
A girl who can be one of the boys
With a cheeky wink and a farty noise

Well good lookin’ girls won’t look you in the eye
They swish their hair and strut on by
Good lookin’ girls wouldn’t give you the time of day
Their designer watches wouldn’t have numbers on them anyway yeah

Good lookin’ girls always shop at expensive stores
Buy a hankie with strings and pay a hundred dollars or more
I want a girl who models for St Vincent De Paul
Dances down the catwalk and laughs when she falls

Now I’m not trying to create any stereotypes
Like Sony Panasonic or even Akai
I just feel a bit hard done by
Cos I always thought I was a good lookin guy
But apparently not!

Cos good lookin’ girls take themselves a bit too seriously
I want a girl with a healthy dose of irony
A girl who can be one of the boys
With a cheeky wink and a farty noise
With a cheeky wink and a farty noise

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep
Uh-hoh uh-hoh

It doesn’t matter where you are in the big brown land
What circles you mix in or who understands
There’s always one subject that gets them involved
More than sports or politics or even rock ’n’ roll
It’s does anyone remember The Mysterious Cities Of Gold?

Cos we’re
Generation ABC
Glued to the telly in the late eighties
Spinning out to the tunnel in Dr Who
Kiddy karaoke to Peter Combe yeah

Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep
Uh-hoh uh-hoh

Roger Ramjet used to pop a few too many pills
And Worzel Gummidge was off his head it used to make me ill
And Sooty was so cute but one episode he got banned
Cos’ it contained a shower scene and Sooty was just a hand on

Generation ABC
Quality programming kept me off the streets
Degrassi Junior High and Zit Remedy
BTN used to make me scream

Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep
Uh-hoh uh-hoh

Mr Squiggle was taken off the air after it left a kid half dead
He tried to turn his TV upside down and it landed on his head
And then there was that line guy who’s quite hard to explain
He was drawn in white on a green background and he used to come on and say
Mmmmmmbaaah! Hase esu me be su da?

Yeah, anyway…
Eden Gaha was the quizmaster on a little show called Vidiot
He made the pairs on Double Dare look like a pack of idiots
The Afternoon Show made afternoons glow weekdays at four thirty
Hosted by James Valentine he made it cool to be nerdy on

Generation ABC
Can’t go to the toilet it’s commercial free
Penfold off Danger Mouse looks like our P.M.
Goodie goodie yum yum yeah it never ends

Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep
Uh-hoh uh-hoh
Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep
Uh-hoh uh-hoh

Today’s song was brought to you by the Bedroom Television Workshop
It was brought to you by the number two ah ah ah ah
And the letters
ABC

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

I’m feeling awkward
Like a budgie
Sitting on Sandra Sully’s head
As she reads the news
About something
Quite devastating
Perhaps an earthquake
And I don’t know where to look

I’m feeling insecure
Like an emu
Hosting the Oscars
For the first time
Trying to read
The nominations
But just pecking
The microphone

I’m feeling overwhelmed
Like a wombat
At a Tool concert
Trying to understand
The intense prog rock
Like Tool
I do things my own way
My poos are square

I’m feeling alive
Like a cat
Down a waterslide

If I died in my sleep right now
I’d come back
A happy cow
If I died in my sleep right now
I’d come back
A happy cow

Moo moo moo

I’m missing the point
Like a fly
Sitting on Osama Bin Laden’s knee
Too busy excreting muck
To alert
The authorities

I’ve got no chance
Like a monkey
On Sale Of The Century
Sitting on twenty the entire episode
I press my buzzer once
And get a fright
And bite Glen Ridge
And then I run away

I’m in the groove
Like a crab
Down the luge

I can’t do justice
Like a duck
Playing hamlet

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

I met Kelly in the supermarket deli
I wasn’t lookin’ for love
I was just after a cheap chook
I took a number and waited in turn
Then my ears began to burn
It was like that movie Sliding Doors
I was Gwyneth Paltrow
In a pair of parachute pants

It was destiny
It was meant to be
When Kelly called out sixty three

She had skin as white as fetta
Nose as cute as a cocktail sav
She said ‘what would you like?’ and I went blank
To my mouth my tongue was stickin’
So I pointed to the chickens
It was like a scene in Romeo and Juliet

I was Leo and she was Claire
Except I had really bad hat hair
But it was just like that fish tank scene
All seductive and sultry
As our eyes met above the steaming poultry

And she said
‘Is there anyone you’d prefer?’
So I pointed to her her her her

Kelly deli girl
Kelly the deli girl
She’s Kelly deli girl
Kelly the deli girl

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

Hit the snooze button on life
Take five minutes out from the strife
This is Justin Heazlewood
Living on the edge…of my bed

« Back to Living On The Edge… Of My Bed lyrics

The hipster barista
Moustachin my sister
Thinks he’s the shit
With his cold brew drip
They line up for miles
Nobody smiles
His ego is bigger
Than most rockstars I know

Cos food is the new rock and roll
I’m getting myself off the dole
Gonna start a café
Panini Simone
Watch the bloglidites fill up the front row

So I did NEIS
The full six weeks
Cooking the books
Shortin my sheets
They said what’s your point of difference?
I said food by musicians
Slow cooked toast
With a jugacino

Food is the new rock and roll
I’m getting myself off the dole
Gonna quit music to pursue hospitality
It’s not like you can download a rissole

I used to smash guitars
Now I smash avocado
That’ll be $18.50 to go
My sausage brioche is ethically sauced
Made in house with the home brand I thawed

Now my only reviews
Are from urban spoon
Soup of the year
Pumpkin and beer
I’m stealing from the yuppies
To give to the poor
Make sure the house band get
All of the door

Cos food is the new rock and roll
I’m getting myself off the dole
Gonna start a café Panini Simone
Watch the yummy mummy’s nibble paleo balls
Watch the yummy mummy’s nibble paleo balls
Come on
Watch the yummy mummy’s nibble paleo balls
All right
Watch the yummy mummy’s nibble paleo balls