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Author Archives: justin

LapTopping – 44 – “Team Pooglet!”

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LapTopping – The Bit Long, Official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher
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ISSUE 44
Wednesday 14th September 2005
Subscribers: 961
Estimated Reading Time: 9:12 (can be refunded in a special afterlife promotion)
**This is a special issue that asks you to do things. They are fun and not overwhelming**

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WELCOME TO TEAM POOGLET!

Team Pooglet! Your mission is this:

MISSION OBJECTIVE: Help agent ‘Megan the Vegan’ escape the dangerous ‘obscurity jungle’ and make her way into the ‘pseudo fame plains’

Level 1: Go to this website base and plant a ‘vote mine.’
NOTE: Agent ‘Megan the Vegan’ is not on the list yet.
http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/net50/default.htm

Level 2: You can provide extra cover by detonating a ‘request grenade’ at this super compound:
http://abc.net.au/triplej/requests/make_a_request.htm

Deadline: Action is immediate until TEAM POOGLET HQ raises enough funds to operate independently of C.E.N.T.R.E.L.I.N.K.
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LT BIRTHDAYS!
Happy Birthday Richard Marx 42 Friday!
Happy Birthday Daryl Sims (Indecent Obsession) 38 Sunday!

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WEBMASTERS NOTE: LapTopping may have strange symbols appearing instead of commas and hyphens. This may be really annoying. If this occurs assume we are being arty.

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FRESH STATS:

IT’S: 10:46pm
I’M DRINKING: Water out of my pink milkshake making cup. The single item of crockery that has survived since I left Tassie in 1999.
MY HAIR: Has a touch of the ‘Bruce Samazan bouffant’ today.
PIMPLES: There is one diehard Trojan that has been sublurking on my lip for a week.
CLOTHES: Blue polo shirt adorned with diamonds and ‘x’s’ that Mileta got me for my birthday. Cargo shorts that have a button missing, so I have to keep touching my fly to make sure they stay done up.
MUSIC CHOICES: Winamp just did some great D.J’ing, going from Jon Spencer’s ‘Chicken Dog’ to ‘Moon Shadow’ by Cat Stevens.
I AM: Happily jiggling my foot. I wrote a new song tonight called ‘Special features from the DVD of my life’ that I think is a hit.

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ON THIS DAY IN 1993 (A reading from my grade seven diary)

“After school I did routine of running lap of F. track. Played turtles. Did one lap. Came home. I am feeling fit. Went to T.T. hardly anyone came. See-ya.”

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A WORD PAINTS 1/1000 OF A PICTURE

“Girls bored me – they still do. I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I’ve ever known.”
– Walt Disney.

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TOP 10 BAD ICEBREAKERS WHEN YOU’RE SITTING NEXT TO SOMEONE CUTE ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT

1. How good are mandarins?
2. Hello. I’m full of lust.
3. Would you like to come to my place for tea? Only thing I’ve only got Milo, and no house.
4. I feel like we’ve met before, did you work near a fishing village in Cicily in 1703?
5. You know how some people can read palms? Well I can read the sides of people’s heads, and yours is saying that you think I’m saucy.
6. Anyway, as I was saying to my counsellor this morning, I’m bang up for a relationship.
7. Well I think we’ve got the comfortable silence established, I think we’ll be really good together!
8. Nice day huh? Y’know, just quietly, I’d happily destroy the entire universe for a chance to touch your hair. Metaphorically, of course.
9. I think it’s best we don’t speak to each other as I’m clearly more in love with you than you are with me.
10. Go-go gadget confidence.

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**************************************************************************
LAPTOPPING INANIMATE OBJECT BEREAVEMENTS NOTICES
**************************************************************************

*****
DEAD
*****
From Will Barry, of Hobart:

“The breville sandwich press at work has made many a tasty toastie which has been handy coming into the colder months in Hobart. Last week I plugged it in to find that the ‘heating’ light went off almost straight away, leaving me scratching my chin and playing with the power point. At the same time, about 15 computers around the office were apparently switching themselves on and off. It died with the same heated fervour in which it lived. It will be sorely missed by those of the staff who can’t afford to buy lunch.”

*************************************
WE PRAY FOR THEIR RECALIBRATION
*************************************

Do you have an inanimate object that is ailing or has passed on? Let the
LapTopping community ease your suffering by emailing Bev:
[email protected]

**************************************************************************

LET’S GET METAPHYSICAL!
A moment with Kerry, the metaphysical drummer.
A reading from his book of Metaphysical poetry “Full stop full stop full stop.”

Quack
Maintenance
Fix
The
Duck
Meow
Maintenance
Fix
The
Cat
G’day
Maintenance
Fix
Australia
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HAP HAP HAP HAP HAP HAP HAPPY!(TM)
(said quickly…..high affectation on last happy)

In this age of treason we get by with a little yelp from our friends.

From the luxuriously articulate Josh Earl, of Melbourne.
Ed: This is from a year ago. There was a slight backlog of happy’s, but it is catching up now.

Five things that make me happy:

1. Watching Idol with a room full of people and everyone just talking
over the songs, listening and agreeing with Dicko, everyone agreeing that Mark Holden sucks, and finding the select few who hate Marcia and finding them even more special.

2. Realising that the only reason we have National Anthems is for the
Olympics and the start of sporting games.

3. Making Mix tapes (But this is a constant top five on my list, that
will never change no mmatter how many Ipod ads I see)

4. Trying to come up with a new name for my new band e.g. The Jesuses’s, Donkey Punch (Dont ask), The Department (Email Laptopping for anymore that you can think of)
ED: Hold off folks, an exciting new band name game is debuting next issue!

5. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, brilliant!!! watch it if you
haven’t seen it, Dolly parton is a genius.

LapTopping accepts little responsibility for any nonplussment, disappointment,
rejection or apathy experienced during a HAP HAP HAP HAP HAP HAP HAPPY!(TM)
endorsed activity. Submit your 5 point plan to the chortle portal.
(email Bev at [email protected] with 5 things that make you
Happy. Or a top 5 of any kind, except lime)

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A GIGGLE OF GIGS (Melbourne, Sydney and Newcastle!)

• Thursday 15th September. 7pm. I’m MCing the Voiceworks launch at Trades Hall, Cnr Lygon St & Victoria St, Melbourne. The theme is futureshock! There will be lovely readings by spunky young writer’s, an experimental noise band Dry Lake, AND that sonic manipulator space guy you see on street corners sometimes. Also the world debut of ‘FORTUNE CRUSKITS!’

• Saturday 16th September. 8pm. Performing at the launch of the ‘Funnybone 500’ a funny short film festival. At the Willoughby Civic Centre. 409 Victoria Ave, Chatswood, Sydney. (just down from the mall. It’s next to Chatswood library.)

• Monday 26th September. 9pm. Renegades of Folk appearing at The Local, Cnr Carlisle and Chapel St, St Kilda. $7.

• Wednesday 28th September. 8:30pm. MCing the Jangle Gym, a massive line-up for the Fringe Festival. Gorgeous, Tim Minchin (just won Perrier award for best newcomer), Scod Edgar (Tripod) & Frank Skywalker (Gus’n’Frank) $10/$8. Bar Open. 317 Brunswick St. Fitzroy, Melbourne.

• Thursday 29th September. 8:30pm. RENEGADES OF FOLK DEBUT SYDNEY SHOW! This is Josh Earl and myself teaming up for delicate prog-comedy electro-parody carnage. Mic in Hand. Friend in Hand Hotel, Cowper st, Glebe. $11. (it’s just gone up)

• Friday 30th Sep – Oct 2 – THIS IS NOT ART FESTIVAL. Newcastle. I am doing several things throughout the festival, including a comedy workshop and a panel called ‘help! I’m a creative vampire’ at 10:30am on Friday – sure to be a life changing event. Check the program.

• Wednesday 5th October – 7pm. Headlining ‘Rapid Fire’ comedy concern. University of New South Wales Roundhouse on Anzac Pde in Kensington. (Nearest cross street is High St) Not sure of costs.

• Thurdsday 6th October – Saturday 8th October. RENEGADES OF FOLK DEBUT FEATURE LENGTH FRINGE FESTIVAL SHOW! Witness the rehearsal of a lifetime! Bar open, 317 Brunswick St. Fitzroy, Melbourne. 7pm. $12/$10.

NOTE: All gig information is barely correct at time of printing.

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STORYTIME (Brought to you by Blame! The exciting new boardgame from the Australian Cricket Board. A simple game for 1-18, 000, 000 players.)

THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER’S SONGWRITING WORKSHOP!
Songwriting credits will be shared with everyone who submits an item that I use*.

Okay Team Pooglet – the plan is, to write a song that is basically a long ballad dedicated to lots of pop culture items that have disappeared since my childhood. I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to construct it – it will be rather hard for it not to become a ‘list’ song (like pomo, mcrock etc.) but I’m hoping the palpability of the memories will override any form repetition.

Now, everyone will remember different things about their childhoody times depending on age, location, socio economic background. Basically I am going for a certain zone – mainly one that I can remember – so here are some parameters and examples.

a) I’m thinking mid 80’s till about mid 90’s

b) I’m thinking snackfoods, toys, fashion items, household appliances, tv shows (that are level 3 obscure and beyond) and any other pop culture entities that linger in your memory. I’m avoiding songs and bands and movies as they’re a bit too easy.

c) If anyone has that ‘Things from the 80’s we remember’ email that went around a while back, could you please forward it to me – I’m reckoning there’s 80’s websites on this bollocks, which I’ll no doubt check.

d) A point I need to clear up. Were the Christian television association ads I remember only played in Tasmania? If anyone knows about this please let me know. Or, if there are mainland Christian TV ads that I’m not aware of…ditto.

Christian television ads:
love grows 2 by 2 –
got 3 pockets in my overalls,
life’s what you make it, (and I know from here I’m looking fine)
do unto others as they (with the boomy voice),
the one where there’s two guys walking around on the backs of two other guys,
The one where they are little cartoon men passing signs around to guitar music
Question (There’s a couple operating a faceless dummy that looks at stuff)
The one where it’s just a bunch of hands with white gloves on a black screen making shapes.
The family singing the lord’s prayer in a jazzy way in a caravan.

EXAMPLES – Frisco icecreams, Crazy critter icecreams, Nutty top icecreams, Link-its, those transformer like things but they were rock monsters, hypercolour tshirts (possibly too obvious), max headroom, lemon thins, Saturday fun show (Tasmanian), Sesame street songs like ‘I’m a dog a working dog, I’m a hard working dog…and the doco on how they make saxophones…and how they make apple juice. Frozen thickshakes (I never had one but people said they tasted like wet sand), yo-whip, Vice-versa’s, Bigfoot pizzas, skateboards with wings, those aerodynamic ring frisbee’s,

There’s a little bit to get you reminiscing.

NOTE: If any of you feel a bit weird about having your precious cerebral heirlooms processed by the dead-eyed black monolithic corporate machine of me…consider this like a huge digital bbq where we’re all drunk on infrared punch and times new roman shots.

* Justin probably means this more as a vague sign of goodwill, more than an actual contractual agreement, as the amount of APRA forms he would have to fill out would take him well into his fifties. Be that as it may, intellectual copyright is an intriguing beast…if you feel like your intellectual property is being mistreated by The Bedroom Philosopher or any other mug within arms reach, please go to www.copyright.org.au and flail around.

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LAYTOPING IS MISPELLED, AND FREE! WHAT A GREAT GIFT IDEA, AND ITLL CUT YOUR ENERGY BILLS IN HALF! SEND IT TO A FRIEND!
To be added to this Ezine email Bev in administration at:
[email protected]
with your email details and the last time you cried.

Last time someone cried: Marnie – Today ‘cos Kylie told me I was pregnant.

Back issues of LapTopping are still available.
To be removed from this Ezine reply with the subject line “Clarity starts
at home”

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****************************************************************
CAPTAIN IMPORTANT

Grug’s sidekick is transmitted for the spouse of the impenetrable fortress of
the new price is right’s game format only and spray contain confidential and/or
seagull compatible t-shirt formatting. Any repotting, re-forming, polly-wolly
dooodle dissemination or other assorted naughtiness of, or raking of bert’s
laksa mobile in 13 polygon tatoos upon, this disco putty by crowd controllers
or limpit sharks other than dr yillet’s flailing volcano market subsidiary or
intended resiliant is prohibiwibble and may result in larry emdur’s poached egg
idea. Certain portions of LapTopping not affecting the outcome have been hoodwinked into an intersteller mushroom pixeltruck. By the time you read this I will be read.
****************************************************************

Posted on by 7

Welcome Pooglet! bedroomphilosopher.com is here! It’s pixelfest ’05! Thanks to Kilbot and Tamicita!

(brought to you by Dr Sludsy’s ‘Haiku Wipes.’ Now you can enjoy our handi-pak of lemony towelettes artfully etched with a variety of early 19th century Japanese poetry)

• The Tripod tour of regional W.A. was a success! The Tripod boys were gracious and inspirational. Units were shifted, miner’s bemused – x-box played! Full report next issue.

* ‘No Petrol Day’ is on September 22. If you normally buy petrol, don’t – and the oil companies will go mental. If you don’t normally buy petrol, and you see a service station attendant – kick them in the shins.

* The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on “donating a mammogram” for free (pink window in the middle). http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

• There is a website called www.last.fm where you hook your computer music player up to a profile and it records every song you play and you can listen to playlists of other people around the world with similar music tastes. It’s rather exciting. I am on there under ‘ImSoPostmodern’ and I don’t have any neighbours!

* My good pals Matt and Telia are putting on a fringe festival show where you pay $1 and go into little booths and see interesting little bits of cool drama and weird things. There is a thing there called ‘The Sin Book’ where you confess sins. It’s anonymous and cathartic. go to http://pennymachinations.blogspot.com/ go to comments and then post a comment, select anonymous and type away. If you don’t I’ll have to pull out my old staple of “I once made love to a lake.”
The show is: Penny Machinations Fringe Club North Melb Town hall, friday 23rd, 30th September and 7th Oct. $1 a go. starts 8:30pm

* I’m So Postmodern appears on the just released ‘Triple J Super Requests – Dog’s Breakfast’ compilation. It pops it’s play-do head up at track 16, in between King Missile’s ‘Detachable Penis’ and Placebo’s ‘Taste In Men.’ Also on the album are the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s, Scissor Sisters, Rammstein, Marylin Manson, The Streets, Primus, and such novelty hits as ‘Cows With Guns’ and ‘The Reefer Song.’ I’m pretty sure there is a typo in my tracklisting, as there is NO apostrophe in I’m! My theory is that all these acts will be sent the CD, listen to it, laugh at my song, and then never think of me again. (except the lead singer of yeah, yeah, yeah’s, who will laugh at song, fly over to meet me, we’ll go out for 3 months but it won’t really work out)

Posted on by

Hello you vivacious pixelcutey!

You have vagued upon The Bedroom Philosopher’s official website
‘under construction since 2002.’

Well guess what – it’s going to be FINISHED within a month. I promise. Please come back. I have abandonment issues. C’mon – just give me one more month, I promise – the websites in the bag mate…honest….c’mon…I just got to see this bloke…he owes me one….really….he’s good for HTML….really….

The album ‘In Bed With My Doona’ featuring ‘I’m so postmodern’ is now available in all good record emporiums. (You might have to convince the indie maestro behind the counter that it exists – if you’re feeling cheeky, try and pick them up – buying my album creates a window…c’mon…)

Or, you can buy online here:

http://www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&intArtistID=205093

To contact management: [email protected]
To contact me: [email protected]
To sign up to ‘LapTopping’ the official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher, go to the bottom of the page.

NOTE: PLEASE CHECK YOUR JUNK EMAIL FOLDER COS I RECKON SOMETIMES MY GEAR GETS SENT THERE. THERE SHOULD BE A PUNK MAIL FOLDER MAN….

Here is list of current GIGS plus an excerpt from the latest issue of:
LapTopping Issue 44 “Team Pooglet!”

A GIGGLE OF GIGS (Melbourne, Sydney and Newcastle!)

• Thursday 15th September. 7pm. I’m MCing the Voiceworks launch at Trades Hall, Cnr Lygon St & Victoria St, Melbourne. The theme is futureshock! There will be lovely readings by spunky young writer’s, an experimental noise band Dry Lake, AND that sonic manipulator space guy you see on street corners sometimes. Also the world debut of ‘FORTUNE CRUSKITS!’

• Saturday 16th September. 8pm. Performing at the launch of the ‘Funnybone 500’ a funny short film festival. At the Willoughby Civic Centre. 409 Victoria Ave, Chatswood, Sydney. (just down from the mall. It’s next to Chatswood library.)

• Monday 2
6th September. 9pm. Renegades of Folk appearing at The Local, Cnr Carlisle and Chapel St, St Kilda. $7.

• Wednesday 28th September. 8:30pm. MCing the Jangle Gym, a massive line-up for the Fringe Festival. Gorgeous, Tim Minchin (just won Perrier award for best newcomer), Scod Edgar (Tripod) & Frank Skywalker (Gus’n’Frank) $10/$8. Bar Open. 317 Brunswick St. Fitzroy, Melbourne.

• Thursday 29th September. 8:30pm. RENEGADES OF FOLK DEBUT SYDNEY SHOW! This is Josh Earl and myself teaming up for delicate prog-comedy electro-parody carnage. Mic in Hand. Friend in Hand Hotel, Cowper st, Glebe. $11. (it’s just gone up)

• Friday 30th Sep – Oct 2 – THIS IS NOT ART FESTIVAL. Newcastle. I am doing several things throughout the festival, including a comedy workshop and a panel called ‘help! I’m a creative vampire’ at 10:30am on Friday – sure to be a life changing event. Check the program.

• Wednesday 5th October – 7pm. Headlining ‘Rapid Fire’ comedy concern. University of New South Wales Roundhouse on Anzac Pde in Kensington. (Nearest cross street is High St) Not sure of costs.

• Thurdsday 6th October – Saturday 8th October. RENEGADES OF FOLK DEBUT FEATURE LENGTH FRINGE FESTIVAL SHOW! Witness the rehearsal of a lifetime! Bar open, 317 Brunswick St. Fitzroy, Melbourne. 7pm. $12/$10.

NOTE: All gig information is barely correct at time of printing.

THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER’S SONGWRITING WORKSHOP!
Songwriting credits will be shared with everyone who submits an item that I use*.

Okay Team Pooglet – the plan is, to write a song that is basically a long ballad dedicated to lots of pop culture items that have disappeared since my childhood. I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to construct it – it will be rather hard for it not to become a ‘list’ song (like pomo, mcrock etc.) but I’m hoping the palpability of the memories will override any form repetition.

Now, everyone will remember different things about their childhoody times depending on age, location, socio economic background. Basically I am going for a certain zone – mainly one that I can remember – so here are some parameters and examples.

a) I’m thinking mid 80’s till about mid 90’s

b) I’m thinking snackfoods, toys, fashion items, household appliances, tv shows (that are level 3 obscure and beyond) and any other pop culture entities that linger in your memory. I’m avoiding songs and bands and movies as they’re a bit too easy.

c) If anyone has that ‘Things from the 80’s we remember’ email that went around a while back, could you please forward it to me – I’m reckoning there’s 80’s websites on this bollocks, which I’ll no doubt check.

d) A point I need to clear up. Were the Christian television association ads I remember only played in Tasmania? If anyone knows about this please let me know. Or, if there are mainland Christian TV ads that I’m not aware of…ditto.

Christian television ads:
love grows 2 by 2 –
got 3 pockets in my overalls,
life’s what you make it, (and I know from here I’m looking fine)
do unto others as they (with the boomy voice),
the one where there’s two guys walking around on the backs of two other guys,
The one where they are little cartoon men passing signs around to guitar music
Question (There’s a couple operating a faceless dummy that looks at stuff)
The one where it’s just a bunch of hands with white gloves on a black screen making shapes.
The family singing the lord’s prayer in a jazzy way in a caravan.

EXAMPLES – Frisco icecreams, Crazy critter icecreams, Nutty top icecreams, Link-its, those transformer like things but they were rock monsters, hypercolour tshirts (possibly too obvious), max headroom, lemon thins, Saturday fun show (Tasmanian), Sesame street songs like ‘I’m a dog a working dog, I’m a hard working dog…and the doco on how they make saxophones…and how they make apple juice. Frozen thickshakes (I never had one but people said they tasted like wet sand), yo-whip, Vice-versa’s, Bigfoot pizzas, skateboards with wings, those aerodynamic ring frisbee’s,

There’s a little bit to get you reminiscing.

NOTE: If any of you feel a bit weird about having your precious cerebral heirlooms processed by the dead-eyed black monolithic corporate machine of me…consider this like a huge digital bbq where we’re all drunk on infrared punch and times new roman shots.

* Justin probably means this more as a vague sign of goodwill, more than an actual contractual agreement, as the amount of APRA forms he would have to fill out would take him well into his fifties. Be that as it may, intellectual copyright is an intriguing beast…if you feel like your intellectual property is being mistreated by The Bedroom Philosopher or any other mug within arms reach, please go to www.copyright.org.au and flail around.

Posted on by

Hello you vivacious pixelcutey!

You have vagued upon The Bedroom Philosopher’s official website
‘under construction since 2002.’

Well guess what – it’s going to be FINISHED within a month. I promise. Please come back. I have abandonment issues. C’mon – just give me one more month, I promise – the websites in the bag mate…honest….c’mon…I just got to see this bloke…he owes me one….really….he’s good for HTML….really….

The album ‘In Bed With My Doona’ featuring ‘I’m so postmodern’ is now available in all good record emporiums. (You might have to convince the indie maestro behind the counter that it exists – if you’re feeling cheeky, try and pick them up – buying my album creates a window…c’mon…)

Or, you can buy online here:
www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&…

To contact management: [email protected]
To contact me: [email protected]
To sign up to ‘LapTopping’ the official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher, go to the bottom of the page.

NOTE: PLEASE CHECK YOUR JUNK EMAIL FOLDER COS I RECKON SOMETIMES MY GEAR GETS SENT THERE. THERE SHOULD BE A PUNK MAIL FOLDER MAN….

Here is list of current GIGS plus an excerpt from the latest issue of:
LapTopping Issue 44 “Team Pooglet!”

A GIGGLE OF GIGS (Melbourne, Sydney and Newcastle!)

• Thursday 15th September. 7pm. I’m MCing the Voiceworks launch at Trades Hall, Cnr Lygon St & Victoria St, Melbourne. The theme is futureshock! There will be lovely readings by spunky young writer’s, an experimental noise band Dry Lake, AND that sonic manipulator space guy you see on street corners sometimes. Also the world debut of ‘FORTUNE CRUSKITS!’

• Saturday 16th September. 8pm. Performing at the launch of the ‘Funnybone 500’ a funny short film festival. At the Willoughby Civic Centre. 409 Victoria Ave, Chatswood, Sydney. (just down from the mall. It’s next to Chatswood library.)

• Monday 26th September. 9pm. Renegades of Folk appearing at The Local, Cnr Carlisle and Chapel St, St Kilda. $7.

• Wednesday 28th September. 8:30pm. MCing the Jangle Gym, a massive line-up for the Fringe Festival. Gorgeous, Tim Minchin (just won Perrier award for best newcomer), Scod Edgar (Tripod) & Frank Skywalker (Gus’n’Frank) $10/$8. Bar Open. 317 Brunswick St. Fitzroy, Melbourne.

• Thursday 29th September. 8:30pm. RENEGADES OF FOLK DEBUT SYDNEY SHOW! This is Josh Earl and myself teaming up for delicate prog-comedy electro-parody carnage. Mic in Hand. Friend in Hand Hotel, Cowper st, Glebe. $11. (it’s just gone up)

• Friday 30th Sep – Oct 2 – THIS IS NOT ART FESTIVAL. Newcastle. I am doing several things throughout the festival, including a comedy workshop and a panel called ‘help! I’m a creative vampire’ at 10:30am on Friday – sure to be a life changing event. Check the program.

• Wednesday 5th October – 7pm. Headlining ‘Rapid Fire’ comedy concern. University of New South Wales Roundhouse on Anzac Pde in Kensington. (Nearest cross street is High St) Not sure of costs.

• Thurdsday 6th October – Saturday 8th October. RENEGADES OF FOLK DEBUT FEATURE LENGTH FRINGE FESTIVAL SHOW! Witness the rehearsal of a lifetime! Bar open, 317 Brunswick St. Fitzroy, Melbourne. 7pm. $12/$10.

NOTE: All gig information is barely correct at time of printing.

THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER’S SONGWRITING WORKSHOP!
Songwriting credits will be shared with everyone who submits an item that I use*.

Okay Team Pooglet – the plan is, to write a song that is basically a long ballad dedicated to lots of pop culture items that have disappeared since my childhood. I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to construct it – it will be rather hard for it not to become a ‘list’ song (like pomo, mcrock etc.) but I’m hoping the palpability of the memories will override any form repetition.

Now, everyone will remember different things about their childhoody times depending on age, location, socio economic background. Basically I am going for a certain zone – mainly one that I can remember – so here are some parameters and examples.

a) I’m thinking mid 80’s till about mid 90’s

b) I’m thinking snackfoods, toys, fashion items, household appliances, tv shows (that are level 3 obscure and beyond) and any other pop culture entities that linger in your memory. I’m avoiding songs and bands and movies as they’re a bit too easy.

c) If anyone has that ‘Things from the 80’s we remember’ email that went around a while back, could you please forward it to me – I’m reckoning there’s 80’s websites on this bollocks, which I’ll no doubt check.

d) A point I need to clear up. Were the Christian television association ads I remember only played in Tasmania? If anyone knows about this please let me know. Or, if there are mainland Christian TV ads that I’m not aware of…ditto.

Christian television ads:
love grows 2 by 2 –
got 3 pockets in my overalls,
life’s what you make it, (and I know from here I’m looking fine)
do unto others as they (with the boomy voice),
the one where there’s two guys walking around on the backs of two other guys,
The one where they are little cartoon men passing signs around to guitar music
Question (There’s a couple operating a faceless dummy that looks at stuff)
The one where it’s just a bunch of hands with white gloves on a black screen making shapes.
The family singing the lord’s prayer in a jazzy way in a caravan.

EXAMPLES – Frisco icecreams, Crazy critter icecreams, Nutty top icecreams, Link-its, those transformer like things but they were rock monsters, hypercolour tshirts (possibly too obvious), max headroom, lemon thins, Saturday fun show (Tasmanian), Sesame street songs like ‘I’m a dog a working dog, I’m a hard working dog…and the doco on how they make saxophones…and how they make apple juice. Frozen thickshakes (I never had one but people said they tasted like wet sand), yo-whip, Vice-versa’s, Bigfoot pizzas, skateboards with wings, those aerodynamic ring frisbee’s,

There’s a little bit to get you reminiscing.

NOTE: If any of you feel a bit weird about having your precious cerebral heirlooms processed by the dead-eyed black monolithic corporate machine of me…consider this like a huge digital bbq where we’re all drunk on infrared punch and times new roman shots.

* Justin probably means this more as a vague sign of goodwill, more than an actual contractual agreement, as the amount of APRA forms he would have to fill out would take him well into his fifties. Be that as it may, intellectual copyright is an intriguing beast…if you feel like your intellectual property is being mistreated by The Bedroom Philosopher or any other mug within arms reach, please go to www.copyright.org.au and flail around.

Posted on by

Aloha my dear (insert name)

This electronic smugglepot of candid flamebix is in the process of being carved out of lavander solar grits.

The album ‘In Bed With My Doona’ featuring ‘I’m so postmodern’ is now available in all good record emporiums. (You might have to convince the indie maestro behind the counter that it exists – if you’re feeling cheeky, try and pick them up – buying my album creates a window…c’mon…)

Or, you can buy online here:
http://www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&intArtistID=205093

To contact management: [email protected]
To contact me: [email protected]
To sign up to ‘LapTopping’ the official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher, go to the bottom of the page.

NOTE: Please come back – this site will be up soon – I have abandonement issues.
Really.

Here is an excerpt from the latest issue of LapTopping which you can sign up to at the bottom of this page:

TOP 10 POTENTIALLY SUCCESFUL ANTI-SMOKING WARNING LABELS

1. Smoking causes random chest pains that you keep writing off as indigestion cos youve got the grandiose arrogance of a typical twenty something and you think you can live forever you big poo basket.
2. Smoking only looks cool if you look cool to start with.
3. Smoking causes you to carry a haze of pungency, causing strangers to resent you.
4. Smoking is fun size suicide.
5. Smoking causes your potential non smoking partner to not enjoy kissing you as much and if its down to you and someone else, your odds are as skanky as that bile stick you cradle to like some self-defeatist thumb sucking replacement.
6. Smoking, that old chestnut.
7. Smoking is so 1996.
8. Youll bung your lungs, cough Whitlam!
9. If vital organs could talk!
10. Look, just cut it out please!

In the meantime – this is some gigs I’z gonna do.

Remember, you are an infinite rainbow spacebag of cosmic yay! yay! Life is precious. Get a wriggle on pooglet!

* Friday 19th August. Playing a 15 minute filler set for The Conglomerate
(featuring Harry from the Cat Empire) Bennetts Lane Jazz Club. 25
Bennett’s Lane, Melbourne Night starts 9ish. Im on 10ish. $12/$8.

* Saturday 20th August. I am not appearing but I thoroughly recommend the Word Wrestling Federation Poetry Slam final. Victoria VS NSW. This is like the poetry ashes. If you have in your head that poetry is boring or whatever I urge you to let these guys blow you away. Some of my favourite spoken word artists will be busting it out at Fad Gallery, 14 Corrs lane, Chinatown, Melbourne. Doors open 7pm. $10/$5.

* Monday 22nd August. Bedroom Philosopher spot at the Local. Cnr Carlisle/Chapel St. Balaclava. $7. Night starts 8:30pm. One of my favourite performers, Sam Simmons is also on, and he is astounding! I usually go on about 10pm.

* Friday 26th August. Supporting The Conglomerate at Bennets Lane. See above.

* Tuesday 30 & Wednesday 31 – Supporting Tripod at FLY BY NIGHT CLUB, Parry St, Fremantle. If you live in regional WA check local guides!

NOTE: All gig information is barely correct at time of printing.

Posted on by 6

(brought to you by Alien Vs Shirley Temple, new from Dreamworks pictures. State of the art technology pits a race of flesh eating aliens up against a formidable force of candy lane dance sequences and technicolour sweetness)

• Supermega acoustafunsters Tripod have asked me to support them on their forthcoming regional tour of Western Australia. The eleven show tour will include Fremantle, Kalgoorlie and Broome! (27 Aug – 8 Sep)

* My innocent yet creepy appreciation of solo emperoress Sarah Blasko was further fuelled by a discovery that my album was directly next to hers in Aroma records, in Hobart. I was so nervous I moved it. Im So Postmodern also appeared directly before *Don’t u Eva* at approximately 630pm on the 4th of April on Triple J, so we are virtually going out.

• In some rather crap news, I discovered In Bed With My Doona stands no chance of being nominated for the ARIA for best comedy album as I missed the deadline. Lets hope Fatty Vaughton learns the recorder so he can win it.

• As part of the 2005 next wave festival, a wonderful woman called Anna Krien has devised the IDEAS HOTLINE. Its a call centre that you ring for ideas! How great is that! This Saturday will be a test run, with rockin arty types manning the lines. Call 03 96621099 between 12 and 5 this Saturday 20th August and be inspired.

• The first piece of fiction I have written in three years, a short story called *Being Clive Carlmino* (when I say fiction I mean its basically me but I went to all the trouble of changing the characters name) has been published in the latest issue of Youth literary quarterly Voiceworks. It is a comedy thriller set in an opshop. It will be the last piece I contribute to the magazine as I have turned 25. Check www.expressmedia.org.au/voiceworks to check for stockists in your area. The entire magazine is an excellent read. If you are under 25 and a good writer then for gods sake submit something Pooglet!

• The new Eels, Gorillaz and Caribou albums have tickled my musical feet lately. After writing off the new Dandy Warhols single, upon second listen I got it and loved it. The filmclip helps. I officially cant stand The Mars Volta. Under my three strikes and out computer shuffle policy, they are the first band to have every trace of their overblown artrock wankery removed. Apologies to anyone who owns The Mars Volta albums. I feel your pain.

* While in Tasmania, I took my Mum and Nan to see Batman Begins. My little cousin had previously talked them into Bewitched, but with some light negotiating I sold them the idea. It was the first time the three of us had been to the cinemas since Katie Caterpillar. (no one has ever recounted this movie. I may have dreamt it but if you remember this childrens film please let me know) They both liked it, but the episode was tainted when Nan lost her purse in the cinemas.

* The Renegades of Folk will be doing three shows in the Melbourne Fringe Festival. 8-10th October at Bar open, Fitzroy.

Posted on by

Aloha my dear (insert name)

This electronic smugglepot of candid flamebix is in the process of being carved out of lavander solar grits.

The album ‘In Bed With My Doona’ featuring ‘I’m so postmodern’ is now available in all good record emporiums. (You might have to convince the indie maestro behind the counter that it exists – if you’re feeling cheeky, try and pick them up – buying my album creates a window…c’mon…)

Or, you can buy online here:
www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&…

To contact management: [email protected]
To contact me: [email protected]
To sign up to ‘LapTopping’ the official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher, go to the bottom of the page.

NOTE: Please come back – this site will be up soon – I have abandonement issues.
Really.

Here is an excerpt from the latest issue of LapTopping which you can sign up to at the bottom of this page:

TOP 10 POTENTIALLY SUCCESFUL ANTI-SMOKING WARNING LABELS

1. Smoking causes random chest pains that you keep writing off as indigestion cos youve got the grandiose arrogance of a typical twenty something and you think you can live forever you big poo basket.
2. Smoking only looks cool if you look cool to start with.
3. Smoking causes you to carry a haze of pungency, causing strangers to resent you.
4. Smoking is fun size suicide.
5. Smoking causes your potential non smoking partner to not enjoy kissing you as much and if its down to you and someone else, your odds are as skanky as that bile stick you cradle to like some self-defeatist thumb sucking replacement.
6. Smoking, that old chestnut.
7. Smoking is so 1996.
8. Youll bung your lungs, cough Whitlam!
9. If vital organs could talk!
10. Look, just cut it out please!

In the meantime – this is some gigs I’z gonna do.

Remember, you are an infinite rainbow spacebag of cosmic yay! yay! Life is precious. Get a wriggle on pooglet!

* Wednesday 17th August. Guest feature for launch of Wordjammin spoken word CD as part of the Overload Festival 2005.
Pony Bar 68 Little Collins Street, Melbourne. 930pm. $5. A swag of other excellent musos and spoken word maestros will be appearing. Recommended.

* Friday 19th August. Playing a 15 minute filler set for The Conglomerate
(featuring Harry from the Cat Empire) Bennetts Lane Jazz Club. 25
Bennett’s Lane, Melbourne Night starts 9ish. Im on 10ish. $12/$8.

* Saturday 20th August. I am not appearing but I thoroughly recommend the Word Wrestling Federation Poetry Slam final. Victoria VS NSW. This is like the poetry ashes. If you have in your head that poetry is boring or whatever I urge you to let these guys blow you away. Some of my favourite spoken word artists will be busting it out at Fad Gallery, 14 Corrs lane, Chinatown, Melbourne. Doors open 7pm. $10/$5.

* Monday 22nd August. Bedroom Philosopher spot at the Local. Cnr Carlisle/Chapel St. Balaclava. $7. Night starts 8:30pm. One of my favourite performers, Sam Simmons is also on, and he is astounding! I usually go on about 10pm.

* Friday 26th August. Supporting The Conglomerate at Bennets Lane. See above.

* Tuesday 30 & Wednesday 31 – Supporting Tripod at FLY BY NIGHT CLUB, Parry St, Fremantle. If you live in regional WA check local guides!

NOTE: All gig information is barely correct at time of printing.

Posted on by 14

Hello you vivacious pixelcutey!

You have vagued upon The Bedroom Philosopher’s official website ‘under construction since 2002.’

Well guess what – it’s going to be FINISHED within a month. I promise. Please come back. I have abandonment issues. C’mon – just give me one more month, I promise – the websites in the bag mate…honest….c’mon…I just got to see this bloke…he owes me one….really….he’s good for HTML….really….

The album ‘In Bed With My Doona’ featuring ‘I’m so postmodern’ is now available in all good record emporiums. (You might have to convince the indie maestro behind the counter that it exists – if you’re feeling cheeky, try and pick them up – buying my album creates a window…c’mon…)

THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER’S SONGWRITING WORKSHOP!
Songwriting credits will be shared with everyone who submits an item that I use*.

Okay Team Pooglet – the plan is, to write a song that is basically a long ballad dedicated to lots of pop culture items that have disappeared since my childhood. I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to construct it – it will be rather hard for it not to become a ‘list’ song (like pomo, mcrock etc.) but I’m hoping the palpability of the memories will override any form repetition.

Now, everyone will remember different things about their childhoody times depending on age, location, socio economic background. Basically I am going for a certain zone – mainly one that I can remember – so here are some parameters and examples.

a) I’m thinking mid 80’s till about mid 90’s

b) I’m thinking snackfoods, toys, fashion items, household appliances, tv shows (that are level 3 obscure and beyond) and any other pop culture entities that linger in your memory. I’m avoiding songs and bands and movies as they’re a bit too easy.

c) If anyone has that ‘Things from the 80’s we remember’ email that went around a while back, could you please forward it to me – I’m reckoning there’s 80’s websites on this bollocks, which I’ll no doubt check.

d) A point I need to clear up. Were the Christian television association ads I remember only played in Tasmania? If anyone knows about this please let me know. Or, if there are mainland Christian TV ads that I’m not aware of…ditto.

Christian television ads:
love grows 2 by 2 –
got 3 pockets in my overalls,
life’s what you make it, (and I know from here I’m looking fine)
do unto others as they (with the boomy voice),
the one where there’s two guys walking around on the backs of two other guys,
The one where they are little cartoon men passing signs around to guitar music
Question (There’s a couple operating a faceless dummy that looks at stuff)
The one where it’s just a bunch of hands with white gloves on a black screen making shapes.
The family singing the lord’s prayer in a jazzy way in a caravan.

EXAMPLES – Frisco icecreams, Crazy critter icecreams, Nutty top icecreams, Link-its, those transformer like things but they were rock monsters, hypercolour tshirts (possibly too obvious), max headroom, lemon thins, Saturday fun show (Tasmanian), Sesame street songs like ‘I’m a dog a working dog, I’m a hard working dog…and the doco on how they make saxophones…and how they make apple juice. Frozen thickshakes (I never had one but people said they tasted like wet sand), yo-whip, Vice-versa’s, Bigfoot pizzas, skateboards with wings, those aerodynamic ring frisbee’s,

There’s a little bit to get you reminiscing.

NOTE: If any of you feel a bit weird about having your precious cerebral heirlooms processed by the dead-eyed black monolithic corporate machine of me…consider this like a huge digital bbq where we’re all drunk on infrared punch and times new roman shots.

* Justin probably means this more as a vague sign of goodwill, more than an actual contractual agreement, as the amount of APRA forms he would have to fill out would take him well into his fifties. Be that as it may, intellectual copyright is an intriguing beast…if you feel like your intellectual property is being mistreated by The Bedroom Philosopher or any other mug within arms reach, please go to www.copyright.org.au and flail around.

Posted on by

Aloha my dear (insert name)

This electronic smugglepot of candid flamebix is in the process of being carved out of lavander solar grits.

The album ‘In Bed With My Doona’ featuring ‘I’m so postmodern’ is now available in all good record emporiums. (You might have to convince the indie maestro behind the counter that it exists – if you’re feeling cheeky, try and pick them up – buying my album creates a window…c’mon…)

Or, you can buy online here:
http://www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&intArtistID=205093

To contact management: [email protected]
To contact me: [email protected]
To sign up to ‘LapTopping’ the official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher, go to the bottom of the page.

NOTE: Please come back – this site will be up soon – I have abandonement issues.
Really.

In the meantime – this is some gigs I’z gonna do.

Remember, you are an infinite rainbow spacebag of cosmic yay! yay! Life is precious. Get a wriggle on pooglet!

A GIGGLE OF GIGS – “go-go gadget August!”

Thursday 21st July. Doing a spot at the University of Tasmania’s Hobart campus. I assume in the bar. I assume starting at 8pm. God I dunno. Josh Earl, Andy McLelland, Duff, Mel Sargeant will be there too. Check local guides I guess.

Sunday 24th July. Tasmania’s favourite seminal folk-parody practitioners ‘The Renegades of Folk’ will be appearing at ‘Splendour in the Laughs’ @ Bar Open, 317 Brunswick Street. Fitzroy. From 4pm. (along with charlie pickering & michael chamberlin + lawrence leung & andy maclelland) I had no idea about this gig until I ego-googled myself. There you go. Maybe I dreampt it. (Renegades of folk is Josh Earl and myself)

FEATURE GIG: Wednesday 27th July.
Headlining at the Australian Songwriter’s Association’s ‘Jangle Gym.’
Bar Open 317 Brunswick Street. Fitzroy. 8:30pm doors open. I’ll be on about 10:30pm. (Will be playing from back catalogue of non-comedy stuff, plus some new earnest folk smacks.) $5.

Friday 29th July. Albury Uni extravaganza. Not sure where exactly. I daresay, if you go to Albury uni, you’ll know more than me. Probably 9pm start.

Sunday 31st July. 15 minute music spot at Gasworks arts Theatre. Im on at 5pm. $8. (there are other musos and poets playing) Gasworks Arts Park 21 Graham St Albert Park, Melbourne. (I think you get the south Melbourne number 1 tram and its the second last stop.

Monday 1st August. Renegades of Folk are MCing the Local! Witness the palpable comedy emotion. Last time Josh got sick but this time he’s back and he’s rather pleasant about it all. The Local. Cnr Carlisle and Chapel, Balaclava. 8:30pm start. Grand public debut of new Renegade additions of ‘Frontier Psychiatrist’ and ‘Jump Around.’ (House of Pain) $10 possibly.

Saturday 6th August. Spoken word stint for Overload poetry festival. Knox Community arts centre. Cnr Mountain Highway and Scoresby road, Bayswater. 7pm. $5?

Friday 12th August. Playing a 15 minute filler set for ‘The Conglomerate’ (featuring Harry from the Cat Empire) Bennett’s Lane. Night starts 8:30pm I think. I’ve also double booked myself in the overload poetry festival. And may well appear at Bar Open at around 9:30pm looking unstable.

Saturday 13th August. I’m running my first ever workshop. It’s called ‘Moo! Wee! Bonk! Turnips! And it’s about using comedy in your performance. Check www.expressmedia.org.au for details.

Sunday 14th August. Spoken word stint at ‘Poet’s Breakfast’ The Tote, Collingwood, from 6pm.

Monday 15th August. Spoken word stint for Overload poetry festival. Swinburne Prahan Campus Training Restaurant. Johns street, Prahan. 7pm start.

Wednesday 17th August. Guest feature for launch of ‘Wordjammin’ spoken word CD. Bar Open, 317 Brunswick street, Fitzroy. 8:30pm or thereabouts.

Friday 19th August. Playing a 15 minute filler set for ‘The Conglomerate’ (featuring Harry from the Cat Empire) Bennett’s Lane. Night starts 8:30pm I think.

Monday 22nd August. Bedroom Philosopher spot at the Local. Cnr Carlisle/Chapel St. Balaclava. $10 perhaps. Night starts 8:30pm. I usually go on about 10pm.

Friday 26th August. Playing a 15 minute filler set for ‘The Conglomerate’ (featuring Harry from the Cat Empire) Bennett’s Lane. Night starts 8:30pm I think.

NOTE: Gig information is barely correct at time of printing. If in doubt, please consult more reliable sources, such as those ‘yes & no shaker things’

Posted on by

Aloha my dear (insert name)

This electronic smugglepot of candid flamebix is in the process of being carved out of lavander solar grits.

The album ‘In Bed With My Doona’ featuring ‘I’m so postmodern’ is now available in all good record emporiums. (You might have to convince the indie maestro behind the counter that it exists – if you’re feeling cheeky, try and pick them up – buying my album creates a window…c’mon…)

Or, you can buy online here:
www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&…

To contact management: [email protected]
To contact me: [email protected]
To sign up to ‘LapTopping’ the official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher, go to the bottom of the page.

NOTE: Please come back – this site will be up soon – I have abandonement issues.
Really.

In the meantime – this is some gigs I’z gonna do.

Remember, you are an infinite rainbow spacebag of cosmic yay! yay! Life is precious. Get a wriggle on pooglet!

A GIGGLE OF GIGS – “go-go gadget August!”

Thursday 21st July. Doing a spot at the University of Tasmania’s Hobart campus. I assume in the bar. I assume starting at 8pm. God I dunno. Josh Earl, Andy McLelland, Duff, Mel Sargeant will be there too. Check local guides I guess.

Sunday 24th July. Tasmania’s favourite seminal folk-parody practitioners ‘The Renegades of Folk’ will be appearing at ‘Splendour in the Laughs’ @ Bar Open, 317 Brunswick Street. Fitzroy. From 4pm. (along with charlie pickering & michael chamberlin + lawrence leung & andy maclelland) I had no idea about this gig until I ego-googled myself. There you go. Maybe I dreampt it. (Renegades of folk is Josh Earl and myself)

FEATURE GIG: Wednesday 27th July.
Headlining at the Australian Songwriter’s Association’s ‘Jangle Gym.’
Bar Open 317 Brunswick Street. Fitzroy. 8:30pm doors open. I’ll be on about 10:30pm. (Will be playing from back catalogue of non-comedy stuff, plus some new earnest folk smacks.) $5.

Friday 29th July. Albury Uni extravaganza. Not sure where exactly. I daresay, if you go to Albury uni, you’ll know more than me. Probably 9pm start.

Sunday 31st July. 15 minute music spot at Gasworks arts Theatre. Im on at 5pm. $8. (there are other musos and poets playing) Gasworks Arts Park 21 Graham St Albert Park, Melbourne. (I think you get the south Melbourne number 1 tram and its the second last stop.

Monday 1st August. Renegades of Folk are MCing the Local! Witness the palpable comedy emotion. Last time Josh got sick but this time he’s back and he’s rather pleasant about it all. The Local. Cnr Carlisle and Chapel, Balaclava. 8:30pm start. Grand public debut of new Renegade additions of ‘Frontier Psychiatrist’ and ‘Jump Around.’ (House of Pain) $10 possibly.

Saturday 6th August. Spoken word stint for Overload poetry festival. Knox Community arts centre. Cnr Mountain Highway and Scoresby road, Bayswater. 7pm. $5?

Friday 12th August. Playing a 15 minute filler set for ‘The Conglomerate’ (featuring Harry from the Cat Empire) Bennett’s Lane. Night starts 8:30pm I think. I’ve also double booked myself in the overload poetry festival. And may well appear at Bar Open at around 9:30pm looking unstable.

Saturday 13th August. I’m running my first ever workshop. It’s called ‘Moo! Wee! Bonk! Turnips! And it’s about using comedy in your performance. Check www.expressmedia.org.au for details.

Sunday 14th August. Spoken word stint at ‘Poet’s Breakfast’ The Tote, Collingwood, from 6pm.

Monday 15th August. Spoken word stint for Overload poetry festival. Swinburne Prahan Campus Training Restaurant. Johns street, Prahan. 7pm start.

Wednesday 17th August. Guest feature for launch of ‘Wordjammin’ spoken word CD. Bar Open, 317 Brunswick street, Fitzroy. 8:30pm or thereabouts.

Friday 19th August. Playing a 15 minute filler set for ‘The Conglomerate’ (featuring Harry from the Cat Empire) Bennett’s Lane. Night starts 8:30pm I think.

Monday 22nd August. Bedroom Philosopher spot at the Local. Cnr Carlisle/Chapel St. Balaclava. $10 perhaps. Night starts 8:30pm. I usually go on about 10pm.

Friday 26th August. Playing a 15 minute filler set for ‘The Conglomerate’ (featuring Harry from the Cat Empire) Bennett’s Lane. Night starts 8:30pm I think.

NOTE: Gig information is barely correct at time of printing. If in doubt, please consult more reliable sources, such as those ‘yes & no shaker things’