Author Archives: justin

Words can get fucked
They can’t explain my love for you
Feelings and shit and that and yeah nah and so forth
My heart’s been kicked out of bounds on the full
Words are shithouse
The alphabet’s a poof
I’ve cried till my eyes are as dry as a dead dingo’s donga
Seems years since I bowled a maiden over
Oh Trishine
I’m the ute and you’re the diesel
Oh Trishine
I’m the bowl and you’re the Cheezels
You had me at show us your dick
Words have got nothing
They can onomatopissoff
You left me up shit creek without a paddle
No one tells you bout shit waterfall
Flowing into shit sea
Why d’ya have to change the locks?
Why d’ya have to change the locks?
Fuckin keychange
Why don’t you answer when I knock?
We’re like two peas in a pod
We were a ball of socks
And now I’m odd

« Back to Songs From The 86 Tram lyrics

I come from a place very far away
Footscray
I moved there to escape a place of great poverty and violence
Collingwood
I like Melbourne but feel that I am judged by my colour
The colour of my scarf
I went with red and black
But it is the same here as in my homeland
No one likes the bombers
I recently gained permanent residency
Kevin Rudd has made the process more relaxed
I had to learn about crabsticks
The word reckon
And listen to You Am I’s early stuff
I am trying to understand Australian culture
My friend described it as basically America
With Milo and possums
There are many misconceptions about my continent
If we see a coke bottle we don’t freak out
And no animals are voiced by Chris Rock
I must get used to the language differences here
A drumstick is an icecream
A pot is a beer
And god is a disgraced footballer
Who knew?
I also have some trouble with predictive text
I tried to text my relative and said hello aunt
But it came out very different
I watched Baz Luhman’s Australia
But I learned more from The Castle
One day I hope to go to Bonnie Doon
It is not easy getting used to a new home
But if home is where the heart is
Then I wear my heart on my sleeve
So everyone is welcome to visit

« Back to Songs From The 86 Tram lyrics

Welcome to the 86
Next stop dodge town
Look around gee what a kerfuffle
It’s like god took Melbourne
And just hit shuffle
It’s all Dunlop volleys
10am long necks
No crims
But a long list of suspects
Punks and geeks
Asians greeks
Hipster derelict
Guest Kiwi of the week
T to the RAM to the eight six izzle
Have another grizzle
No one gives a shizzle
If looks could kill then I’ve just been punched
By a bunch that eats credit crunch for brunch
There’s girls in birkas call centre workers
Professional lurkers and welfare shirkers
If all the worlds a stage then I’m watching Cosi
Got a good possie
Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!
Eminem’s on my ipod right on there’s a fight on
Like a nightclub with lights on
Bloke’s goin ape oh great
Apparently the tram braked
Now he’s gone and dropped his milkshake
Eighty six
Personality gambling
You can choose your friends
But you can’t choose your tramily

These are my stops
These are my seats
This is my tram
These are my beats

Situation’s grim but I grin
I fit in like a nun with a hymn
Like a derro with a dimsim
There’s always someone worse off than you
Well here’s a motley crew
With perspective to boot
I sponsor a guy doing the 40 Hour Famine
He’s wearing a shirt that says Tragic Happens
De facto’s scrap bout how much they sold their pram for
The baby’s in a beanbag strapped to a skateboard
There’s a budding Davinci
Living and breathing his art in a bag
Yeah a budding retard
Indigenous land rights spill onto the street
An Aboriginal tells a bloke to get out of his seat
The suit gets booted
Says this route is routed
The pamphlet stand has been totally looted
The smell and the swearing
Sharing is caring
Glum and the glaring
Johnny is blaring yeah
You’re the voice try and understand it
You’re the voice try and understand shit
The great unwashed are in mass transit
Girls turn pink the elderly shrink
As we sit on the brink of Howl’s Moving Centrelink

These are my rails
These are my streets
This is my tram
These are my beats

Everybody in the house c’mon and let me hear you say
ding
Everybody in the house c’mon and let me hear you say
Ding ding ding
(where’s me lunch around here? You took it you dog)

I hope I’m not too cynical
Or hypocritical
My white middle class guilt levels are critical
I remember the words said to me by my mother
Gotta learn to love yourself
Before you can love others
I wish everyone would just rap all the time
Whatever’s on their mind
We’d have a better time
MC Daz and the school girl posse
I can see it all now on Mel and Kochie
Bundoora to Docklands
Check the ghettos
Fish and chips op shops and servos
I’m rolling with my homeless homies refugees
A hot chick her friend
And a mum who’s lonely
To the CBD yeah you know me
Got my hood down
And my feet on the seat
This is my tram
This is my crew
One thing’s for shiz
I wish it had a loo yeah
(It’s not a bad tune)

Now I’m doing my washing
Underpants are moshing
Separating the colours and the whites
Then I realise that’s what causes all the fights
Throw them in together
Let the colours run forever
And we’ll wear the white pink socks of peace
(I lost one of me shoes)

« Back to Songs From The 86 Tram lyrics

I’m not sure this is the direction I wanted to be going in
And I’m not just talking about Preston
Gregory seems so distant granted he’s in Iraq
I never should’ve talked him into expanding his filled potato business

All the children are grown up
And I don’t know if they need their mama anymore
All the children are grown up
And I don’t know if they need their mama anymore

All I’ve had today is a lamington
So upset
I come from the school of soft hugs
Perhaps I should go back to TAFE
There’s shopping to be done
And the children oh do they need their mama?
All I have is the budgie
He’s off his cruskits
I’ll hire a caravan we can go camping
You can bring the kids
We’ll do our dancing
I’m not sure this is the direction I wanted to be going in
And I’m not just talking about backwards
Oh they need their mama
Penelope she never writes to me
Granted she does send forwards of funny cats
It must be this Margaret Atwood novel making me cry
Last night I dreamt I was making a salad for Andre Rieu
And I was making a real mess of it
God
Oh c’mon Gwen
Oh c’mon Gwen
Now and then you can give into these feelings
But now c’mon Gwen
All I’ve had today is a lemonade
And a lamington
I’m going to Flemington to buy a Lady Remington
Oh I love my life

All the children are grown up
And I don’t know if they need their mama anymore
All the children are grown up
And I don’t know if they need their mama anymore
I suppose it was all for the best
AMWAY
Perhaps I could sell some Avon
I do use a lot of facial cream

« Back to Songs From The 86 Tram lyrics

I left my heart in my pocket
Now it’s gone all through the wash
I left my heart on the couch
Now it’s covered in cat hair and pretzel bits
I left my heart on the bus
No one wanted to sit next to it
I left my heart at a primary school
It came in handy for getting that lunchbox
Out of the tree
I left my heart at a high school
Some kid put it down his pants
I dunno
I left my heart at a Uni
Now it’s a Hacky Sack for first years
They’re so ironic
I left my heart at a party
And now it smells like bourbon
And I hope that’s a milk stain
I left my heart at a rock concert
Some guy threw it on stage and security wouldn’t let me
Get it back
I left my heart at a brothel
It just wanted to talk
Apparently
I left my heart at a café
Now it’s being used
As a quirky tip jar yeah
I left my heart at the casino
The guy on the door said look mate
That thing don’t belong in here
I left my heart at MacDonald’s
It was the healthiest thing there
I left my heart at Cash Converters
The guy was only gonna give me fifteen
Cos that particular model hasn’t been selling very well
I left my heart at an art gallery
They said it was contrived
I left my heart at a nightclub
And now it’s being cracked onto
By mature age netballers
I left my heart at the supermarket
The girl couldn’t find the barcode
So she just put it through as a miscellaneous turnip
I left my heart at the dentist
He pulled out its wisdom arteries
Left my heart on E-Bay
Only one guy was gonna buy it
Pervert
I left my heart at the zoo
It gave birth to two little baby hearts
And it was the fluffy story at the end of the news
I left my heart at your house
You weren’t going to tell me
Were you?
You sent it back in a Postpak
And it still smells like you

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics

I’m feeling awkward
Like a budgie
Sitting on Sandra Sully’s head
As she reads the news
About something
Quite devastating
Perhaps an earthquake
And I don’t know where to look
I’m feeling insecure
Like an emu
Hosting the Oscars
For the first time
Trying to read
The nominations
But just pecking
The microphone
I’m feeling overwhelmed
Like a wombat
At a Tool concert
Trying to understand
The intense prog rock
Like Tool
I do things my own way
My poos are square
I’m feeling alive
Like a cat
Down a waterslide
MYEEEE

If I died in my sleep right now
I’d come back
A happy cow

I’m missing the point
Like a fly
Sitting on Osama Bin Laden’s knee
Too busy excreting muck
To alert
The authorities
I’ve got no chance
Like a monkey
On Sale Of The Century
Sitting on twenty the entire episode
I press my buzzer once
And get a fright
And bite Glen Ridge
And then I run away
I’m in the groove
Like a crab
Down the luge
I can’t do justice
Like a duck
Playing hamlet
I’m a bit confused
Like a sheep
Guest programming Rage

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics

I had a crush on a girl in Grade twelve
Thought she was a snob
Too good for me
It turns out
That she was just shy
She thought I was too cool
Too cool for her
Turns out
She didn’t like me anyway
In that way
But that’s not the point
I’m trying to make to you here today
See if we’d have sat down and talked
For just a second
I would have realised an important lesson
A lot earlier

Everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
You are not alone
There’s no need to feel blue
Everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
Do not be afraid
To show people the real you

Sometimes I get stuck for conversation
I get so scared
I get so scared
What if people don’t think I’m such a sensation
They might realise
I’ve blown my cover
Then I think of something to say
Then I regret it straight away
And everything’s dumb stupid bad
But then we keep on chatting and before too long like
I can’t remember why I’m singing this sad sad song
Then I remember oh yeah
That always happens Just

Cos everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
You are not alone
There’s no need to feel blue
Everybody’s got the same insecurities as you
Believe me it is true
Do not be afraid
To show people the real you

This moment is all you’ve got
So don’t fill it with all the rot
It’s all good or so you say
You’ve got to believe it
You need it in every way
And if you’re sick of this song
A stupid pop song gone on too long
Don’t forget who you’re talking to
Cos’ this song’s got its insecurities as well

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics

You want to know what turns me on
(What turns you on)
Hot
(Hot what?)
Cups of tea
(Fair enough)
And something sweet
On toast
(Jam)
Late at night
Ooh flannel
(Ooh flannel)
On skin
Getting into my jarmies
(Yeah)
Late at night
And jiggling them
Over my bum
(Yeah good on ya)
Going to bed
(Bed)
With a stimulating book
And getting so turned on
I have to turn my electric blanket off
(Yeah turn it off)
And letting toast crumbs
Trickle down my t-shirt and thinking
Ooh
(Ooh)
Aah
(Aah)
That’s going to annoy me later
(Ooh later)
Then waking up
With an incredible desire
(Desire)
To have a grope
Blindly for my glass of water
(Where is it)
And finding a glass
On my bed head
And thinking gee
(Yeah)
That’s handy
(Handy)

I’m saving myself for marriage
I’ll drive you crazy
With my celibacy

Girl
You know what I want to do?
(What do you want to do)
I want to take you back to my place
And make long and passionate
(Yeah)
Conversation
(Yeah we’ll have a chat)
And maybe heat you up
Some cheese on toast
We’ll talk about primary school
(Primary school)
We’ll talk about Star Trek
(Beam me up)
We’ll talk about your cat
We’ll talk about whether or not the eighties are coming back
(Nah I don’t think they are anymore)
And when we’ve run out of things to talk about
We’ll lie down in front of the heater
(That’d be nice)
And play Uno
You know?
And then I’ll mention that word
(Yeah)
But only when I say
(Yeah)
I’m just going to the toilet
(Yeah)
I’ll just be a couple of secs
(Okay)

I’m saving myself for marriage
I’ll drive you crazy
With my celibacy
I’m saving myself for marriage
Oh yeah
I’m going crazy
But I’m still abstaining
Ooh I’m saving myself for marriage

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics

(NOTE: This track omitted on recent albums due to copyright worries)

You walked into the room
Like you were walking into outer space
Conversations are via satellite
With a ten second delay
You stand in the kitchen
Just to work out why you are there
And then you go to put the
Milk in the cupboard
Milk in the cupboard
Cos’ you’re so vague
You probably think this song is about shoes
You’re so vague
You don’t even know this song is about you
Do you?
Do you?
Most of your plans end in
Yeah whatever maybe
(I’ll send you a text man like it’s okay)
You get on the wrong bus ten minutes late
Then realise you forgot everything
(I’ve got this footy card I don’t know)
Your hair’s always on walkabout
Your keys and wallet are the same
You’re not on drugs you’re just
Pondering the universe
Pondering the universe
Cos’ you’re so vague
You probably think this song is about shoes
You’re so vague
You don’t even know this song is about you
Do you?
Do you?

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics

Kicking the footy with god
Kicking the footy with god
He hits me right on the chest
With another perfect drop punt
Drop punt
I’m praying that it doesn’t rain tomorrow
God says he’ll see what he can do
Cos it’d be good for the garden yeah
But the big game’s on at two
On at two
And everybody’s saying kick it to me
Everybody’s saying kick it to me
God calls in the angels
To get it down out of the tree
He’s got blindingly white shorts and
Really bright white boots
He floats through the air like Warwick Capper
But he doesn’t need to bleach his roots
Bleach his roots
Curator of the universe
Creator of the MCG
He’s omnipotent and all knowing
But he can’t explain Carlton’s form to me
Form to me
He’s got lots of nicknames
But he still answers to mate
Some people call him Gary
He played for Geelong back in ‘88
Kicking the footy with God
Kicking the footy with God
And now I’m going to leave him cos
Tea won’t be long

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics