Author Archives: justin

The closest I get to taking an E
Is reaching into the Scrabble bag
The closest I get to any heroin
Is watching The Princess Bride
I’m a frequent pot smoker
But only when I overcook
The mashed potatoes

I’m high on life
And Mum’s my dealer
The first eighteen years are free
And then you have to start paying rent

The closest I get to doing a line
Is hanging out my undies
I’ve had some not so magic mushrooms
But they tasted really nice
In the stir-fry
And I have to admit
I really like the smell of petrol at the servo
But only in moderation

Powder is for putting under your armpits
The ice cream wrapper’s
The only paper that I’ll lick
The things in my head are weird enough as it is
And right now I’m tripping out on Wizz Fizz
And I think my Donald Duck might be cut
with some bad Goofy
(NOTE: This was written when Wizz Fizz packets used to have Disney characters on them, they lost the license and now have ambiguous monsters)

Na na na na
Hit it Kerry
I’m high on life
And Mum’s my dealer
The first eighteen years are free
I got a pound of smack
From my Nan
I was naughty
She’s got a heavy hand
I got a pound of smack
From my Nan
I tried some speed
Keanu was quite bland

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics

All I ask is that you look after you
All I ask is that your reasons are right
All I ask is that you do the research
All I ask is that your iron levels are up

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics

This morning I woke
With a feeling of dread
From the holes in my socks
To my doona-do head
I had a PM breakfast
Did my hair with a hat
Found some old sunnies
And let out the cat
(out you go Siobahn)
I track panted my way down the street
Gave a busker a knowing snort
I butted out my smoke
I was broke no joke
The doldrums beat
Inside last weeks shirt
I walked through the automatic doors
AUTOMATIC
HYDROMATIC
INSTAMATIC
Bored
Then I saw you
Like a shot of Kahlua
Among the manure

You looked divine
In the Centrelink line
Wearing designs
From 1999
Your fortnightly form
Employs my eyes
It’s a fulltime job
And I can’t lie

I wanted to make a general enquiry
And let you read all of my diary
I wanted to know your name
Your date of birth
Your mobile reference number
If you happen to have it handy
I wanna be your touch screen
And give you all 100 points
Of my ID yeah
You don’t need Medicare
I’ll give you ready care
You ain’t a jobseeker
Baby you’re a heat seeker
Cos I could line up for hours in your eyes
And not get very bored
Unlike the plants in here
My love is real
I know right now our lives are so far apart
But baby I’m just asking for a
New Start
I know right now you seem to be
So out of range
But please let me know
If any of these details change
Cos it’s a fact
Oh
I wanna be your De facto
Yeah
You’re my Centrelink
You’re my doll
I just want
To work for your soul
Forget debts
Forget HECS
Well baby
Let’s talk about
Next
You looked divine
In the Centrelink line
Wearing designs
From 1999
Your fortnightly form
Employs my eyes
It’s a fulltime job
And I can’t lie
Oh no
(repeat Chorus till employed)

« Back to In Bed With My Doona lyrics

Someone needs to rub my snotty little nose in red wine
The puppy did a wee
puppy did a wee
puppy did a wee
But it did didn’t mean to
Puppy did a wee
Puppy don’t know what it’s doing
Puppy what you’re doing
Puppy put a nappy on baby
Yo puppy put a nappy on
Yo puppy put a nappy on
(oh fuckin hell man)
Toilet train my heart
Toilet train my heart
(hey, hey, we’re not gonna sing about a puppy pissing, is that cool?)
It keeps falling in love with girls
Who treat me like shit
But I don’t rub their nose in it
Girl put a nappy on
Girl put a nappy on my heart
Yo girl stop spilling the red wine over my heart
Puppy did a wee
Puppy did a wee
Didn’t mean to
To you or me
If you were a puppy you’d do a wee too
If you were a puppy you’d do a wee too
If you were a puppy you’d do a number two
Do a number two
Do a number two on my heart
Puppy did a number two on my heart
Puppy did a number two
Look what you started girl
C’mon
Everybody put a nappy on
Everybody put a nappy on
Everybody get a puppy put a nappy on it
Everybody get a puppy put a nappy on it
Everybody get a puppy put a nappy on it
Put a nuppy on my heart
Nuppy’s not a word but I don’t care
Cos I love girls
Girls that don’t have puppies with nappies on
Girls that don’t have puppies with nappies on
Girls don’t wear nappies or puppies don’t have hearts
Girls don’t have nappies or puppies don’t have hearts
I can’t remember which but I rub your nose in it
Can’t remember which but I rub your nose in it yo
C’mon drink the red wine
Drink the red wine
I drink it all the time
I don’t wear a nappy
I don’t have a puppy
I rub my own nose in it
I rub my own nose in it
Cos I love girls all the time
I love girls all the time
Stop treading on my thongs
Stop treading on my thongs
Stop treading on my
Thongs
(So red wine’s the theme and puppies but without the nappy is that’s cool
Not happy with the nappy?)
Girls who aren’t happy about the songs about the puppies with the nappies
Some girls who aren’t happy who aren’t the songs about the puppies with the nappies
Don’t sing the songs about the puppies with the nappies
I said don’t sing the songs about the puppies with the nappies
I said don’t sing the songs about the puppies with the nappies
I said don’t sing the songs with the puppies with the nappies
ETC.
Socks are innocent
Lets sing about them

« Back to Folkstar / I’m So Post Modern lyrics

I’m so post modern I refuse to play this song live
Instead I play Creep
By Radiohead
I’m so post modern I put glad wrap on the toilet
Poke it full of holes
And gatecrash show and tells
I’m so post modern that I remembered your birthday
Reported you missing
And told the police to bake a cake
I’m so post modern I held a MacGyver themed party
Built up an arsenal of craft weaponry
And mucked up the revolution
I’m so post modern I created a superhero
Captain Maracas
Saving the world through percussion
I’m so post modern that I went bushwalking
through a camping store
Gaffa taped to a Christmas tree
I’m so post modern I bought my own sky writing bi-plane
And crashed accidentally
While writing my suicide note
I’m so post modern that I laminate pancakes
Stir fry Iced Vovos
And spread cruskit propaganda
I’m so post modern I wore a hyper colour wedding dress
It was bad luck
When I saw myself
I’m so post modern I adapted a book into a movie
Forty one hours of my Nan
Reading the book
I’m so post modern I had a dream about Paddymelons
Woke up and wrote Yesterday
Entirely on the spoons
I’m so post modern that it’s one nod for yes
Two nods for no
And three nods I’m boogying
I’m so post modern I prefer beer from a cask
Spirits from a carny
And powdered wine sandwiches
I’m so post modern that I travelled back to 20 B.C.
Told them about Google
And now it’s called Pooglet
I’m so post modern I designed a talking Mr T t-towel
Dry the fool
I’m so post modern that I had myself rechristened
Invited only my ex girlfriends
It was okay
I’m so post modern that I rewrote Hamlet
Entirely from Simpsons quotes
And faxed it into space (worst lyric ever)
I’m so post modern I conceived ringtone fm
And tonebake festival
A girl died from irritation
I’m so post modern that I lurk in garden nurseries
And ask people for spare crayons
So I can draw a train to Nowra mate
I’m so post modern that I cloned a copy of myself
Kept it in the basement
Until the poetry improved
I’m so post modern I’ve got the weirdest of headaches
It’s in my foot
I’m so post modern that I sleep on a billiard table
My hands and feet in the pockets
And my head in a breadbin
I’m so post modern I made a chocolate computer
Blu-tak cheese cake
And futon soufflé hey
I’m so post modern I took photos of myself
Wearing every combination of clothes I own
And made a suit out of the photos
I’m so post modern I went hot air ballooning
With a Jarvis Cocker impersonator
Just to dry my thermal vests

« Back to Folkstar / I’m So Post Modern lyrics

Marjory
Why are your pantaloons
Blowing in the wind?
Marjory
Please find all the pieces to my Lego set
I’m erect
Marjory
Help me save the world
You’re like cordial
That needs no water
You’re like cordial

« Back to Folkstar / I’m So Post Modern lyrics

HELLO
MY NAME IS WOW WOW
I AM HERE TO TELL YOU SOME STORIES
WHEN I’M WAKING UP
I’M NOT FEELING VERY HAPPY
I GO LA LA LA
AND THEN I MAKE THE BREKKY
WHEN I GO TO BED
I AM FEELING VERY ANGRY
I GO LA LA LA
AND THEN I GO TO NIGH-NIGH

La La La
Can only take you so far
Na Na Na
Will take you higher

HELLO
IT’S WOW WOW HERE AGAIN
TO TELL YOU SOME MORE STORIES
WHEN I GO TO WORK
I FORGET WHAT I’M SPOSED TO DO
I GO LA LA LA
DO DO DO
WHEN I’M COMING HOME
I STARE AT ALL THE PEOPLE
I GO LA LA LA
DO DO DO

BREAK IT DOWN
HELLO!
WOW WOW BACK AGAIN WITH HIS BREAKDOWN GAME
I DO AND THEN YOU DO
WHEN I’M FEELING SICK
I WHISTLE AND I CLICK
(whisle, click)
WHEN I’M FEELING FIT
I POP AND I YIP
(Pop, yip)
HMMM
NOW YOU DO AT HOME
WHEN I’M FEELING SICK
I WHISTLE AND I CLICK
(whisle, click)
NOT BAD
WHEN I’M FEELING FIT
I POP AND I YIP
(Pop, yip)
HMMH
YOU CALL THAT YIP?

HELLO WOW WOW
I’M STILL WAITING FOR THE SONG TO FINISH
NEARLY DONE
OKAY
THERE IT GOES
UH
HELLO
WOW WOW HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE ALBUM IS FINISHED
THANKYOU FOR LISTENING
WE LOVE YOU
BYE

« Back to Brown and Orange lyrics

(English translation)

I had a dream
That I got you pregnant
And you gave birth
To two black swans
I wasn’t sure
If we should keep them
But motherly milk
From your breasts secreted
Two years later
Which in swan years is eighteen
They blew out their candles
And asked us if they were adopted
And we said
Nuh

« Back to Brown and Orange lyrics

I’m a sad lonely baby
Circus bear
Sitting in the corner of my cage
Diffusing my rage
With a honey sandwich
It’s circus
Off season
And my parents
Are hibernating
And I’m waiting
For the show
To begin
They’ve relocated me
Temporarily
At a nearby zoo
And that’s where I saw you
With your funny face
I hope that I
Brought you some joy
As you laughed at the way
That I cleaned my face
Drizzled with honey and tears
That the zookeepers think
Is an eye infection
The cool white moon
Hypnotises me
As I drift off peacefully
And dream of my mummy
And daddy

« Back to Brown and Orange lyrics

For the love I have for you
I would do anything
Most things
Okay I’ll make a list
For the love I have for you
I would surely die
Wait a minute
Dying’s not on the list
For the love I have for you
I’m the luckiest man in the world
Bear in mind this is based on a survey of one
Lack of empirical evidence
Sociologically inconclusive
For the love I have for you
I would tell the whole world
Though I fear the repercussions of abusing local media
Cos I want to be with you forever*
Cos I’m presuming in the afterlife
We’ll have special powers

And we could go travelling together through time
Drink all King Arthur’s wine
And nudie run past the dinosaurs
And we could make a cup of tea for Kurt Cobain
Travel back to life’s first day and
Pash our way through the big bang
And we could watch the best of life on DVD
With God doing special commentary
I’ve never been a very hands on director
You did well to find love without an interjector
Sorry about the 1900s
I think I got a God complex

Of course if this is not the case
Then I am sure that we’ll be fine
Watching Arrested Development and checking our MySpace
[NOTE: Please update to Bojack Horseman / LinkedIn]
I’ve made a huge mistake

For the love I have for you
I would do most things
Okay granted
That’s not a very romantic lyric
For the love I have for you
I would be realistic
Surely that’s an important quality in a relationship

*Information is correct at the time of printing and subject to change without notice.

« Back to Brown and Orange lyrics